1. Sharing a relationship roadmap
You both have to want your relationship to work. It
helps to share a similar idea of what a successful relationship is. It
may seem unromantic to sit your partner down for a frank discussion
about where the relationship is going, but couples who don’t discuss it
will often discover too late that they don’t share the same expectations
of marriage, children and career. If you want your partnership to work,
talk to your partner about how they see the future.
2. Make a commitment
It’s not enough to have similar expectations. Couples
who stay together are the ones who trust each other. You don’t have to
get married, have kids or take out a joint mortgage. You just need to
let each other know that you’re committed to each other for the long
haul. You’ll both feel more valued and secure. You should re-state your
commitment as the years go by. Successful couples aren’t afraid to
discuss the state of their relationship, no matter how long they’ve been
together.
3. Give each other space
Give each other space to see friends and pursue
separate interests. Time apart makes your time together all the more
valuable, and getting some me-time makes you a happier and more relaxed
person.
4. Know how to communicate
If your relationship is to last, you should be able
to talk about things and feel that you’re being heard without being
judged. Be honest if you’re feeling stressed or under the weather. Your
partner will know not to take it personal when you come home feeling
grouchy. It’s also important to talk about trivial stuff. Chat about
your day at work, what’s going on in the news, assorted rubbish. Don’t
turn into a couple that only ever talks about bills.
5. Know how to argue
If you grew up learning to avoid confrontation, you
may be in the habit of storing resentments, and that’s never good news
for a relationship. That’s not permission to hurl abuse at your partner.
But you should get used to discussing your differences and working
things out through negotiation and compromise. You don’t have to win
every time.
6. Keep the fires burning
A good sex life brings couples closer together. In
scientific terms, sex, cuddling and touching produce hormones such as
oxytocin that boost your romantic attachment and relieve stress. In
everyday terms, touching makes you feel wanted. Successful couples also
know that their sex lives go through lean patches. If you can accept
those patches without thinking ‘its over,’ you stand a better chance of
staying together for life.
7. Accept change
Change can be difficult and even painful. A partner
loses work? Or suffers health problems or bereavement? Know that
successful couples don’t jump ship when things get rocky. They learn to
adapt, and they support each other through good and bad times.
8. Winning couples never stop dating
Successful couples never stop going out on dates,
even when they’ve lived together for years. If you don’t spend regular
quality time together, you will drift apart. Take time out from work,
hobbies or chores to spend time together. Sitting silently on the sofa
watching television is not a date. A date is something you want to look
good for, and where you can enjoy a change of scenery — a restaurant,
the cinema or even a walk.
9. Keep some things secret
Honesty is not always the best policy. Too much
information can hurt, even when you’re in love. A considerate partner
would never tell the other if they fancied their best friend, or they’d
once considered ending the relationship — a careless line that can do
irreparable damage. Problems at work, health issues or a desire for more
or different sex are things you should discuss honestly.
10. Winning couples are nice to each other
Of all the secrets of happy relationships, niceness
may be the most important. If you’re nice to your partner, they will be
nice to you, and your relationship will be a much happier place.
